slut

I've been tired today, emotionally and physically, after my encounter with Miss Hot Tub. The sex with her was better than sex has any right to be when you've only just met someone for the first time. I'm still amazed I could find someone so interesting and intelligent completely at random like that. The desperate part of me which wants to settle down had already fabricated a future for the two of us which the rational part of me refuses to believe in.

She e-mailed me today, leaving me with an erection and images of her pitch-black pubic hair and her wetness dripping down her thigh.

Damnit.

So I went out tonight, tired, a little melancholy, with a quiet evening in mind. I said no to the single booty-call text I got. I wanted to sit with my people, drink beer and listen to the live music. And that's what I did.

But that doesn't mean I was oblivious to the fairer sex.

One girl in particular caught my eye, a striking young black woman with her hair pulled back from her face. There aren't that many black women in this town and I've never had one in my bed. Exotic, interesting! But I was just looking.

After a beer or three, one of my friends' girlfriends came up to me and told me she was out with her friend. I wasn't sure why she was telling me about her friend, but since she's always a little awkward and strange I just went along with the conversation, which turned out to be going nowhere. Whatever.

Still later, she came back. Asked where my girlfriend was. I told her I was single, had been for a while. She was surprised, expressed disappointment and proceeded to tell me that her friend (now gone) had been looking for a one night stand and they had agreed that if it weren't for my girlfriend, I'd be the perfect fit. After all, I do sleep around a lot, right? And she had liked the look of me.

I was a bit offended, and told her so. I mean, sure, I'm a player. But I'm not indiscriminate about it and I mildly resent the idea of people seriously discussing me like some sort of sex toy.

Then she told me who her friend was. The amazing black girl.

Damnit! I tried not to back-pedal too obviously, but suddenly I was interested in the conversation, interested in details about this friend, considering coming out again tomorrow evening. I felt the change in myself and resented it. What sort of double standard allows me to feel offended that my friends think I'm a slut, when at the same time I'm interested in fucking some random girl just because of her skin color?

Who did I think I was kidding?

I probably didn't really resent the whole sex toy thing. I was just afraid she was trying to fix me up with someone I didn't fancy...