conflicted

I'm still surprised about last weekend. It seems a bit unreal.

But of course, in hind-sight, it makes sense. If you catch the most common STD in the world (HPV), of course lots of other people will have caught it as well. The odds of ending up in bed with one of them aren't really so small. That's how I caught it in the first place, right?

It so happens that the strains that cause visible warts (like the ones I've been fighting to get rid of for the past few months) aren't the strains that cause cancer... so aside from the stigma, they aren't really a big deal.

But the stigma matters.

I'm not just surprised though, I'm also having second thoughts. Meeting and sleeping with Rosa was amazing. I can't wait to see her again. And yet, at the same time, I worry that we let the drink cloud our judgement. Maybe she had a different strain of HPV from the one I have. Maybe she can catch mine as well and will regret having slept with me. Maybe I should have known better than to expose her to that risk. Maybe she regrets our time together and won't want to see me again.

Will sobriety and guilt make her play the feminine victim card, will she dramatically blame the evil man (me) for a decision she made and regrets?

Am I being an arrogant chauvinist, second-guessing her sincerity, motives, decisions?

Or, worse - was I perhaps selfish, did I throw caution to the wind just because I wanted to get laid?

I just don't know what to think. Part of me is elated and can't wait to meet her again, part of me worries and frets. And part of me just wants to go out and find out how many other girls I can have fun with like that.

Worries aside, last weekend I realized I can have lots of sexy fun without actually rubbing the rapidly disappearing warts against anyone.

That's something anyway!